Joyce Spews

For the first and most likely only time, you can listen to me. I know, you’re so excited. But you’re going to have to wait for a few paragraphs.

It’s turning into a musical weekend, here at chez softdrink. Last night I posted With a Book, which motivated me to finally finish another song (and no Cass, I haven’t forgotten I’ve promised you “I Like Big Books” for the readathon). I figured if anyone was deserving of a song, it was Joyce and Ulysses (and my brave readalong posse). And lately, Hamburger and I have been hugely amused by Cee Lo Green’s hit F*ck You. You can see where this is going, right? If you’re not familiar with Cee Lo Green, please do me a favor and go listen. If you don’t want to watch the uncensored version, you can listen to the alternate version, Forget You.

Now that you’ve got the song in your head, it’s your job to remember the ooo, ooo, ooo parts, ’cause you’ll need to fill those in. Because have I mentioned I don’t sing? Seriously. I was the only girl in 6th grade not in choir. So you get more of a spoken word performance of my re-make , “Joyce Spews.” And if you prefer not to hear my gawdawful voice, here are the lyrics so you can sing it yourself (the audio file is hiding at the end of the post):

Joyce Spews

See, I’m tryin’ to read Ulysses
With some of my friends and I’m like
Joyce spews!
Oo, oo, ooo
As if reading Dostoevsky
Wasn’t enough I’m like
Fyodor spews!
And uh, Joyce does too!
Trisha’s all “let’s read Ulysses, it’s a bree-eze”
Ha, now ain’t that some shit? (ain’t that some shit?)
Now there’s some dread up ahead
And a pain in my head, ‘cause um,
Joyce spews!
Oo, oo, ooo

Yeah I’m sorry, this song’s not more genari
(If Joyce can make up words I can too)
Ulysses is as chewy as calimari
Hope you won’t commit hari kari

I pity the foo-ooo-oool that’s not reading it too
‘Cause readalongs are the shit
Don’t sneer. Joyce would like that bit.
Ooooooh
I’ve got some news for you
Yeah you go run and tell your little blog all about it

See, I’m tryin’ to read Ulysses
With some of my friends and I’m like
Joyce spews!
Oo, oo, ooo
As if reading Dostoevsky
Wasn’t enough I’m like
Fyodor spews!
And uh, Joyce does too!
Trisha’s all “let’s read Ulysses, it’s a bree-eze”
Ha, now ain’t that some shit? (ain’t that some shit?)
Now there’s some dread up ahead
And a pain in my head, ‘cause um,
Joyce spews!
Oo, oo, ooo

Now I know, it’s gonna be slow
A little sleazy, kinda queasy
Trying to get through it, trying to get it
‘Cause reading Ulysses sure ain’t easy

Still. I pity the foo-ooo-oool that’s not reading it, too
‘Cause readalongs are the shit
Don’t sneer. Joyce would like that bit.
Ooooooh
I’ve got some news for you
Ooh. I really hate Chapter 3 right now

See, I’m tryin’ to read Ulysses
With some of my friends and I’m like
Joyce spews!
Oo, oo, ooo
As if reading Dostoevsky
Wasn’t enough I’m like
Fyodor spews!
And uh, Joyce does too!
Trisha’s all “let’s read Ulysses, it’s a bree-eze”
Ha, now ain’t that some shit? (ain’t that some shit?)
Now there’s some dread up ahead
And a pain in my head, ‘cause um,
Joyce spews!
Oo, oo, ooo

Now Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, why’d you wanna wanna confuse me so bad?
(abstract, abstract, abstract)
I’m trying to understand it but man
Your prose is really whacked
(it’s whacked, it’s whacked, it’s whacked)
I’m like huh? Say what? Are you kidding me?
Whhhy Jamie? Oh! I love you oh!
No, I hate youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Ooooooooh!

See, I’m tryin’ to read Ulysses
With some of my friends. I’m like
Joyce spews!
Oo, oo, ooo
As if reading Dostoevsky
Wasn’t enough I’m like
Fyodor spews!
And uh, Joyce does too!
Trisha’s all “let’s read Ulysses, it’s a bree-eze”
Ha, now ain’t that some shit? (ain’t that some shit?)
Now there’s some dread up ahead
And a pain in my head, ‘cause um,
Joyce spews!
Oo, oo, ooo

*******************

And now, the moment you all haven’t been waiting for, Fizzy B, aka Softdrink, aka Jilli Vanilli, performs the audio version of her latest hit:

joyce spews

***Warning…the word shit is said often, so please don’t crank the volume if you are listening to this somewhere where you shouldn’t be, like, oh say, WORK.***

***And disclaimer: Alternate pronunciations may have been used in the making of the above audio file.***