If you were on twitter the past few days, you might’ve tweaked to the fact that I was at jury duty (I only tweeted during breaks! Really!!). (And watch out, ’cause jury duty seems to be going around. First it was Sandy, then me. And rumor has it, Dawn is up next.)
So I spent Tuesday afternoon and most of Wednesday doing my civic duty like the good little citizen that I am (full disclosure: I’m a county employee…I have no excuse. Since there are oodles of us and we get paid for being there, we’re pretty much the daily supply of fresh meat for our county courts).
This year, instead of five days of telephone standby, I actually had to appear for jury selection for an attempted murder trial. There were also burglary charges and assault charges and a bunch of other shit (that’s a legal term, you know), so it’s sure to be a doozy of a case. Oh, and if the defendant was found guilty, there would be a phase two to the trial to determine if he was insane. This last bit didn’t sit well with a number of potential jurors, and the rest of us poor schmucks were treated to HOURS of argument as to why this confused them/pissed them off/confused them maybe or maybe not, they weren’t really sure they just had a few more questions and comments because how can he plead not guilty but then say oh hey if I am guilty now decide if I’m insane and not accountable for my actions blah blah blah before they were FINALLY excused.
Hallelujah.
I swear there was a communal sigh of relief when Potential Juror #4 left the building this morning. Also…dude was late. Who the fuck shows up late to court?!? I was ready to slap him with contempt charges.
I would make a helluva judge, no? Since I already have umpteen pairs of black shoes, I think this is a good career move for me.
Ahem. Back to my story. Not that I have a story. More like jury duty blabbering. Or perhaps a cautionary tale on how not to piss off your fellow potential jurors. Because I am here to tell you Potential Juror #4 is NOT a popular guy.
This was the fourth jury selection I’ve sat through (I’ve also served on one jury…it was for attempted murder, too, which might possibly explain why I am not on this jury. Then again, it could be because they knew I was daydreaming about their reactions if I donned my Emergency Clown Nose), and it was by far the most traumatic of them all. Not for me, but for many, many others. I was actually shocked at how personal the lawyers got during voir dire. There were at least two people crying during the questioning. And yes, they could have asked for the questioning to be done in private, but it seemed like everyone and their brother wanted to tell their life story (or their sister’s life story, or their ex-wife’s life story, or their cousin’s daughter’s boyfriend’s kid’s story, or the story of that neighbor they had once, 15 years ago) (and I’m only exaggerating on the cousin…it was just their cousin’s daughter. FOR REALS!). I now know waaaaaaaay more than I ever wanted to know about approximately 80 people (and their not so immediate families) that I’ve never met and never want to meet again.
That’s right, 80 people. And when I was excused late in the afternoon (offed by the defense with a peremptory challenge for the win!), it was starting to look like they might have to call in more people if they wanted to get their jury. But that’s their problem, because I am done for the year. I practically skipped out of the courtroom. Because really, one attempted murder trial in my lifetime is enough.
So I know you all really want to know the most important thing: how much reading did I get done??
Well, all that drama made focusing on my book very difficult at times, so I didn’t read as much as I had hoped. (And also because I felt like I needed to pay partial attention whenever the judge said something, or when the DA asked someone a new question, because he had a distressing tendency to pick random people and ask them what they thought about everything so far…when it was my turn in the jury box (and when you’re one of 20 people left, you know it’ll be your turn soon) I didn’t want to admit to ignorance. I can’t help it if I’m intimidated by authority figures!).
But I still managed to read almost 200 pages of IT, which I highly recommend if you ever get called to jury duty, because reading about both clowns and grisly murders while at a courthouse is highly apropos.
In other words…Jury Duty? Consider joining the IT-along!*
*Yes, it really is possible to relate everything to clowns. Or clown noses.
Is it crazy that I’ve always wanted to serve jury duty? I know it will probably be boring, but I’ve watched Matlock for too many years.
Melissa´s last [type] ..On the Road Again
Holy Cow! Carl sat one a jury once and after days of trial, the people settled out of court. He was pissed! I definitely think you should be a judge.
bermudaonion(Kathy)´s last [type] ..Review: The Burning House
I think you should have worn the clown nose. Might have sped things up a bit. That and the fact that you were reading IT.
Ti´s last [type] ..Review: Divergent
I agree with Ti…I actually secretly suspected that’s how you managed to get out of it
Patti Smith´s last [type] ..TLC Book Review – A Cupboard Full of Coats
I’ve only ever served once, and I was picked for a trial that lasted until lunchtime, then the defendant cut a deal and it was over. I kind of wanted to see how everything was done, and participate in a trial, but I am glad that I won’t be called again for awhile. It can get pretty boring waiting around.
zibilee´s last [type] ..Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn — 432 pgs
Wow, I’ve been through the jury selection process several times and never have the lawyers made anybody cry! Of course, mine were all for traffic accidents and the like, nothing as grisly as attempted murder. Come to think of it, it’s probably time for me to be called again–seems like my number comes up every 2 years on the dot.
Ali (Worducopia)´s last [type] ..Tiny libraries
OK so you know that I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU, right? We had a total of 104 potential jurors questioned, on a medical malpractice case, so everybody had to have their say about every damned bruise they, their spouses, kids parents and cousins, ever had in their lives. Every experience with an ER. Every experience (bad and good, and woe to us if it was bad) with a doctor. People weeping. People talking about having their female parts injured and their ability to have children taken away by an evil doctor. About the side effects (very personal ones) of diabetes. REALLY PEOPLE??? I blame the lawyers as much as the potential jurors. The second these people open their traps, they should be excused. Right then and there. Save us the pain and suffering. However, one day, when I’m retired and my kids can take care of themselves, I would love to sit on a juicy trial like this. Pushes my true crime buttons.
Sandy´s last [type] ..The Guest Book – Marybeth Whalen
Oh, jury duty. I am glad you got some reading done! I’ve been called three times since I was 18 (6 years ago), but I’ve always been excused because I’ve been in school/lived out of town every time they’ve called on me. My parents have never been called, so they’re baffled at my good fortune. Not that I would mind going to sit on a jury, of course. Aside from the $30 compensation they give you, I suppose.
I remember an old professor telling me that one of the perks of having a degree in psychology is that no lawyer in their right mind would want you to sit on their jury. There goes my civic duty, I suppose
She´s last [type] ..The Year of the Gadfly – Jennifer Miller
Good heavens, this sounds MUCH more eventful than the single incidence of jury duty I have sat through in my life. But I think I may be next, if it’s coming around. The jury people just sent me a survey, and although it said on there “This is not a call to jury duty”, it did look mighty like a pre-call to jury duty.
(And a waste of time because I’ve been told lawyers never seat a social worker’s child, so I probably wouldn’t ever get to sit on an actual jury.)
Jenny´s last [type] ..It’s too hard to say au revoir, so let’s just say hors d’oeuvres
I managed to escape even potentially getting called to jury duty because I was my children’s caretaker for years. Then this past year, I couldn’t really use that excuse anymore. I went into the waiting area with hundreds of other people, and waited as they called out randomized lists of names for potential jurers. My name never got called, and I never had to do anything other than sit and read. I brought several books with me, but unfortunately, they all turned out to suck. I read them anyway, though – some of my only 1-star reads of last year – since I had nothing else to do really. And now, I’m excused for something like 5 years. Which makes me happy.
Amanda´s last [type] ..Exercise vs Calorie-Restriction
I’m sure they saw your clown nose (and possibly your book) and that is why you were excused.
Jenners´s last [type] ..Our Cruise Vacation: R to Z
I sat on a jury once, while in my early 20s. It was a drunk driving trial in Contra Costa County. We found him not guilty. True fact: if you’re ever pulled over for DUI, refuse the breathalyzer test. That’s why we acquitted him. Not convinced beyond a reasonable doubt due to no breathalyzer.
Any other time I’ve been called for jury duty, I’ve been excused as soon as they find out (a) I have relatives in law enforcement; and (b) I’ve been the victim of multiple crimes. So, yeah, getting your car stolen and your house robbed totally has an upside.
avanta7´s last [type] ..IT’s here, IT’s here!
Jury Duty = UGH.
It & clown noses = YAY!
christina´s last [type] ..Anna Dressed in Blood (Audio)
I had been following your tweets about this but fun to get the whole story. Phew! Glad you were able to skip out of the building.
Beth F´s last [type] ..Review: The Quilt Walk by Sandra Dallas