We’re On A Boat

I gave you a little background yesterday (not to mention, warning), but here’s a re-cap:

Twitter. Last Friday. Virtual boat party. A reminder of the video that Chris posted (which you HAVE to watch before reading any further, or nothing will make sense).

And now here are a few more things you need to know to make sense out of the nonsense below:

• So we’ve established that this is all Chris’s fault. That means she get’s to be T-Pain, singing in the background. Start practicing those motherfuckers, Chris!
• Princess Clown Nose (Christina) missed the boat (party), but she gets her own verse because she’s my IT-along co-host and these days it’s pretty much all clowns, all the time. There are two verses about IT…I’ll let you decide which one I get to sing, and which one PCN is singing.
• Besides clowns, we’ve got #monstermash. And since Trish is my co-host for that adventure (coming soon!), that’s her verse. I even let her talk smack about my guy. I’m so kind. (Except I’ll be reading American Psycho for Dueling Monsters and you know you want to be on my side. Right?!?)
• If you don’t know that Kathy is @bermudaonion, well…you should.
• Same goes for Lisa being @mamshepp. And she’s the reason why we’re drinking rye whiskey. We started off with wine and beer, but Lisa wanted whiskey, and since it had more syllables…
• Andi gets work perks in the form of slushies that may or may not be enhanced. That’s all you need to know to figure out her verse. She’s also had a busy few weeks, so I figured she deserved the verse with the most motherfuckers. A little motherfucking therapy, so to speak.
• And Care really does have a boat. That would be why she’s driving. And why we’re even on the motherfucking boat to begin with.
• I’m pretty sure I forgot a few people that were on the boat. I blame it on the vats of wine that were on board…

So. Are you ready? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeze make sure you listen to the real song as you’re reading the lyrics. It’s not nearly as fun if you don’t.

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We’re On A Boat

Care: Whoa. Free boat ride for all. Now who should I take? Fizzy B.
Fizzy B: Yessssssss.
Care: Andddddd… the rest of y’all.
Y’all: Cool.

Oh shit, get your floaties ready
Capt’n Care is in town
Everybody in the place get in the fucking boat
And open your motherfucking eyes
Care’s running this, there’s pie

We’re on a boat, we got our books
Everybody look at us
‘Cause we’re reading on the boat
We’re on a boat, with our books
Take a good hard look
At this motherfucking boat

I’m on a boat motherfucker, take a look at me
Reading IT on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, this clown can really float
You can’t stop me motherfucker, ’cause I’m on a boat

Take a picture, nose, I’m on a boat, hoes
We be drinking rye whiskey ’cause it’s how we rolls
I got my Uncle Stevie and my crazy clown posse
I’m flipping pages, having a lark
Gettin’ all saucy

I’m reading about monsters, doing #monstermash
My dude is snacking, making everybody sea sick
He ain’t P. Bateman, that guy’s a real dick
Lecter floats my boat, motherfucker, don’t you ever forget

I’m on a boat and it’s going fast and
I got a nautical themed beer in my hand
I’m the queen of Bermuda, with my Untapped badges
If you’re still sober, then you’re sure not me, oh

Get the fuck on, this boat is outtie

Fuck work, I’m on a boat, motherfucker
Fuck Dickens, I read horror, motherfucker
I’m on the deck with my slushie, motherfucker
This boat’s the bomb, I’m getting bombed, motherfucker

I’m Mama Shepp, you should see me read
Arms spread wide waving at the seacows
Gonna ride this boat to Om-ha somehow
But right now, I’m gonna go read on the bow

Yeah, never thought we’d be on a boat
It’s a big blue watery read
Bloggers, look at us, and all the books on deck
Never thought you’d see the day
With a boat of bloggers headed your way
Believe us when we say “See ya later today!”

We’re on a boat, with our books
Everybody look at us
‘Cause we’re reading on a boat
We’re on a boat, we got our books
Come hop aboard
On this motherfucking boat